My baby had a collapsing trachea and the vet felt maybe allergies made it worse. Six months ago I went out and purchased on a CC a $300 air filter for the house and she seemed to cough less. It was worth every penny. It was a bit of an expense for me but anything for my furry child.
Today I had to change the filter, as I did it, I cried, no more like sobbed, as I changed it. I was glad I got it for her and once again I realized she was having health issues for a while. I did all I could to make her comfortable but this last time there was no fixing it. I asked God for a sign and he gave me many that last week so I could know I was doing the right thing. In spite of me saying that there is always that tiny doubt that comes with the what if I tried this or did something differently. That's me not letting go because I was so dependent on her for companionship. Letting her go was an unselfish act, keeping her would have been a selfish act, me letting her suffer so I didn't have to be without her. Yes I did the right thing, but the pain is great and the love and loss of her not being here is even greater.
From what I read that is normal to question but when I am calm and reflect back I know she is no longer, coughing and struggling to breathe but the pain of not having her anymore is so very painful and feels like it will never go away. So today is another one of those days that will come when remembering how much I loved her and wanted to do what I could to help her.
It helps me to write this. I feel like even though she is gone physically she is still very present in my heart and daily life.
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